If you missed the beginning of my story, start with The Day I Finally Woke Up
In my second year sober I went from running my first half marathon to completing a 200-hour yoga teacher training — but I also faced some of the hardest battles of my life. From marriage struggles and a shocking health scare, to perimenopause, colitis, and learning to finally walk away from alcohol for good. This is the story of how I almost broke, and how I found the strength to rise again.
My First Soberversary
My first sober-versary was on 14 May 2022. I was so proud of myself. I’d been tracking days on my sobriety app and each milestone — 30, 90, 365 days — felt like living in a parallel universe. I loved it. I’d always weight trained and practised yoga, but without alcohol I finally made real progress. I’d also started running outside: just 5K, three times a week, and I got surprisingly fast.
Running My First Half Marathon
In my second sober year I did something I’d never done before — I ran a half marathon. I signed up only eight weeks before the race on 25 September 2022. With minimal training and never having run further than 5K, the distances were brutal. My goal was sub-1:50 but the hills got me and I finished in 1:55. Still — an amazing result for my first half at 43.
A Dream Come True: Yoga Teacher Training
Not long after, I went on to complete another dream: a 200-hour yoga teacher training. Throwing myself into the practice gave me a new depth of strength, discipline, and self-belief. For the first time in my life I wasn’t just dabbling in health and fitness — I was living it fully.
Marriage on the Rocks
But life wasn’t all wins. My marriage was really suffering. Without the booze and partying, we discovered there wasn’t much holding us together; we’d become polar opposites living almost separate lives. On Christmas Day 2022 we had an argument so bad I spent the rest of the day in my room and missed Christmas dinner with the kids. That was a wake-up call.
The Secret I Kept About My Health
I’d also been carrying a secret. A few years earlier, around 36, I’d been diagnosed with IBS. Before COVID hit I was often passing blood; I was referred to the hospital but appointments were delayed during the pandemic. The bleeding was worse when I drank, so quitting felt like the right thing to do — and it helped. But milder symptoms lingered and gradually worsened despite being alcohol-free and healthier.
Facing the Fear: Urgent Tests
In August 2023, on holiday in the south of France in my second year sober, my back was sore and stiff. My tummy felt a little better whilst we were away, so I blamed life stress and figure I just needed a break. Then I woke up on 1 October 2023 feeling very unwell. My symptoms were severe. I called the GP and was seen straight away — tests came back worrying, suggesting I could have bowel cancer. I was put on the NHS urgent pathway, which meant I’d be in hospital within 14 days. I was terrified.
The colonoscopy prep was horrendous — like severe food poisoning — and the procedure itself was worse. Despite a double dose of fentanyl I felt agony while the surgeon tried to pass the scope around my bowel; they had to stop. Apparently my bowel shape made it difficult. He saw the first half and took several biopsies. The result was inconclusive because they hadn’t seen it all, but inflammatory bowel disease was diagnosed — they couldn’t say Crohn’s or ulcerative colitis. No cancer. What a relief.
When My Body Broke Down Again
I started medication immediately and, after a few weeks, felt much better. Then, one Saturday night, I woke with sudden, shooting agony in my shoulder. I could hardly move my head; my arm felt dead and on fire. I waited until Monday to see the doctor but was told to go to A&E. I waited twelve hours. A spinal surgeon said I’d herniated a disc in my neck and needed an MRI — not urgent enough to do in A&E — and I was sent home with nerve blockers. The private MRI through work a couple of weeks later showed a fully herniated C6/7 compressing the nerve to my arm and fingers. I was on intense pain and nerve medication and was told only time and physiotherapy would help. By Christmas it eased and over the following twelve months the strength returned — a long, slow recovery.
Seeking Peace in Goa
Feeling like I was losing my mind under all this, I booked a solo yoga retreat in Goa for April 2024. Leading up to it the marriage was awful. Blood tests over months showed very low oestrogen — I was in perimenopause — and I started HRT patches while in Goa. The trip was a mixture of pride and anxiety: I was proud to have travelled alone but being on my own felt strange, and my anxiety was intense. I missed my kids.
After I returned I had another colonoscopy — this time under general anaesthetic. The doctors found severe colitis, Mayo level 3 — the worst.
Backsliding into Old Habits
Feeling defeated, just two weeks before my third soberversity, I drank. I dressed up, went to a fancy restaurant with my husband and for that night I felt like the old me was back. But the relief didn’t last. My bowel issues worsened, and I started drinking monthly blow-out nights.
Finding Clues in Food and Hormones
Medications — immunosuppressant suppositories and oral drugs — didn’t control it. I did a food sensitivity test which showed I was highly sensitive to many staples: white rice, white pasta, some vegetables. I cut out the worst offenders for eight weeks, lost too much weight, but my symptoms improved. I still avoid those foods even now and have found better alternatives. The hospital told me diet had nothing to do with my condition — I disagree, but that’s another story.
Breaking My Own Rules
I hated myself for drinking. The binge nights felt amazing at the time, but the following days were awful. After months of this cycle I vowed to stop — but I couldn’t. We had a dream family holiday to Costa Rica for Christmas 2024. Just before we left I had a DUTCH test, a detailed hormone profile. I’d already stopped HRT because it hadn’t helped. The results came the day before we flew: all my hormones were severely out of range. Finally I had proof of why I felt so rotten; I wasn’t going mad — my body was deeply unbalanced. I was now armed with a plan of action to fix them but it would take some time and effort.
I drank twice in December before we left and twice on holiday. I’d broken my “once a month” rule and felt utterly miserable. The trip was enjoyable in parts, but I wasn’t myself and it nearly ruined the holiday for the family.
The Birthday Breakdown
Back home, I decided enough was enough. I began my plan to fix myself and started to feel a bit better. My birthday was in February and we’d booked an afternoon meal. We’d agreed not to drink — but on the day my husband ordered a pint and a cocktail as soon as we sat down. I couldn’t sit there and watch him get drunk on my birthday, so I ordered the same. We got mildly drunk. I woke up the next morning feeling wrecked and spent the whole half term week feeling suicidal.
Finally, Real Healing
I doubled down on fixing my hormones and my bowels, and I knew drinking wasn’t helping. I stopped drinking again and managed three months alcohol-free. During that time I felt a real shift. I began to heal. I felt more balanced and my bowel issues stopped completely — a miracle. I felt the best I’d ever felt.
One Last Slip
Then a friend in crisis hit me hard and I struggled to cope. On 31 May 2025, at twelve weeks sober, I hit the “fuck it” button. The next day I hated myself and vowed never again. That was 113 days ago. I will never drink again.
I had two hypnotherapy sessions that helped immensely. I started writing my memoir and posting on Instagram; more recently I began this blog. Writing is therapy. I honestly feel the best I have ever felt. I’m training and eating like an athlete.
Just before my Goa trip my husband told me I would never be an athlete and asked why I acted like one. His words shattered me — it had been a long-held dream but I gave up there and then, believing I was not good enough, yet again.
But now I’m here to prove it’s never too late. I will be everything I dreamed of.
The dream starts now. ❤️❤️❤️
Follow me on instagram @idaretobeher
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